Monetize.

I was completely taken aback yesterday to find that the ingredients on a bag of Wavy Lays potato chips ("Junk food.") included four things and four things only: potatoes, sunflower oil and/or corn oil and salt. Okay, sort of three. I thought for sure they'd have some awesome stuff like partially hydrogenated oil or something.

Today I was wearing a simple outfit of dark denim cigarette pants and a black funny-necked cotton tank top. And also beautiful little white laced ballet flats. I waited in line at Cookout in this outfit, this simple, casual outfit. Finally it was my turn. I ordered my corn dog and suches and while the man cashier got my change, he said, "So what's the occasion?". I sat there for a moment trying to think, but at a loss, I said, "Is there an occasion?". He said, "Well you're dressed so fancy."

Also today Baby Katie licked my eye.

Then I said, "I normally dress like this." He said "Ah," and said that wasn't a bad thing.

Today I saw a porfolio folder in a store that said on one side, "I'm living the dream." On the other side, it said, "I'm crying on the inside." It was the most dramatic, self-pitying thing I have ever seen, and I wanted to spit on the shoes of the person who carries it. And not shine the shoes after I spit.

Today I bought a small tray for my future life. I believe I will hold candies in it, despite the warning on the back that says it should not be used in direct contact with food. Candy doesn't count.

Here are the things I have for my hope chest:

1. Brushed silver salt and pepper shakers.

2. A doorknob thing that hangs on your wall and looks like an antiquity.

3. Viktor & Rolf Antidote shower gel.

4. A small tray with vintage-looking robin's eggs on it. 

I have my chest picked out. I have not bought it yet.

These are things I need to buy for my hope chest:

1. Scab Dab.

2. A cashmere cable knit sweater Polo blanket.

3. A Magna Doodle. (For my child.*)

*All children need three things in their life:

1. A mother and a father.

2. At least one sibling.

3. A Magna Doodle.

I'm sorry, but this has been proven to be true. Trust me.

Also they need a spanking spoon, but the parents should already know that.

This is the saddest thing. I found a dead Canadian Goose in Bass Lake the other day. I took a picture because I did not know it was dead at first. I thought it was sticking its head in the water looking for fish and playing. But then it never moved. And there were other geese around it guarding it. It was very sad.

Listening to I and Love and You by The Avett Brothers makes me feel very heroic. I am not really certain why. I am starting to get a crush on their voices.

Brandi Carlile promised she would be back to Charlotte for the fall. Well the tour dates are up and Charlotte is not on the list. Luckily Atlanta is, so my friend Chaz is letting me and my sister and mother spend the night at his house the night of the concert. And then we will get up the next day and drive to Tom and Laura's wedding. Tom and Laura are a dream couple.

Sometimes I get very thirsty and very lazy in my room. With no water left, I look pitifully to the two unopened water bottles in the corner of my room. I want to drink them. And then I remember why I cannot. They were once owned by Zooey Deschanel and M. Ward.

You know what's funny? I wrote thirty instead of thirsty. It's a good thing I read over these before I post them. Gee boy.

The Theory of Bassists.

I have noticed over my nineteen years that it seems that very often when I sat down to think about which is my favorite member of a band (A habit I cannot break myself of and have had since childhood.) (Well, early childhood, since I am still in childhood.), I usually pick the bass player. Granted, it's not every time, but it happened enough that it caught my attention. One day some of my more boy-crazy friends pointed out the fact that bassists are always "the hott ones" in the band. Silly, but still it goes along with my own findings, since my friends would always pick the "hottest" one for their favorite. Thus I developed the Theory of Bassists.

The world is full of wonderful bassists. And the world loves bassists. Everyone gravitates towards the bassists. This the Theory of Bassists.

Also, I'm going to make a band called Theory of Bassists.

I will be in it.

I will play the accordion.

Right now I have this really awkward picture of plus size woman's underwear as my phone background and I feel really awkward every time I open my phone. I love feeling awkward. I love being embarrassed. It makes me feel strong.

If you want I can text this picture to you. It's really funny. I texted it to my brother. He felt really awkward too.

The other night in my dream I met Olivier Theyskens and he was really weird.

I've been having sleep walking/talking/acting situations again recently.